


my heart is in your hands and you know you could break it

by Hissingwillows



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Selkies, alex is a lonely lesbian with a dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hissingwillows/pseuds/Hissingwillows
Summary: Alex left National City a year ago, to the peace and quiet of the ocean. Haunted by memories of her work and old life, she lives alone and socializes little, but is content to stick to her routine. That is - until she nearly drowns in the ocean, and wakes only with faint memory of a woman and a seal saving her.She doesn't consider that they could have been the same person.





	my heart is in your hands and you know you could break it

Alex hears the gunshot before she feels her leg explode.

Really, it is the bullet entering her leg and consequently shattering the bone, but she doesn't know this until days later, when she wakes in the hospital.

Initially, she isn't thinking of bone injuries or nerve damage or any of the future implications of it. All Alex can process is the burning, blinding pain as the bullet tears through her skin, destroys her bone, and exits through the other side of the leg.

She doesn't even register the shouts of her fellow agents, doesn't hear the following shots fired by the suspect. Alex has only collapsed to the ground, bleeding and broken. She hardly realizes that she is screaming, and it takes three minutes for her to pass out, while the gunshots are still being exchanged just feet away.

The last thought Alex has is that she didn't want to die like this, and all goes black.

* * *

 

Alex wakes in a cold sweat to the sound of thunder. She sits up abruptly in her rickety bed, panting, still gripped by the nightmare. Normally, the occasional sea storms are a comfort, but the next clap of thunder only makes her jump. All she hears is the gunshot, all over again.

She forces herself to take a shaky breath. _It's just a dream,_ she tells herself. Alex knows it isn't, knows that it is a flashback and she should probably call her therapist in the morning, but she tells herself once more that it's no more than a nightmare.

Her dog, Gertrude, wakes. She lifts her head from where she lays, close to the bed, and watches Alex carefully. If Alex were to have a panic attack, she would get up to comfort her.

“I'm okay, Gertrude,” Alex says. She's trying to convince herself more than her dog.

Alex sits there in her bed for a little while longer, trying to calm herself. Gertrude seems to decide that she isn't too upset, for she lays her head back down on her paws with a lengthy sigh.

Finally, Alex lays back down, and focuses on the pattering of the rain on her roof. Her leg doesn't hurt tonight, so she counts that as a blessing and closes her eyes. It takes a while, but eventually, she sleeps again.

* * *

 

In the morning, the storm has passed. Alex can still see the thick clouds overhead from her window, and it will surely rain again soon, but for now, it is gone. As with every morning, Gertrude rises with her, and follows her to the tiny kitchen down the hall. Alex feeds Gertrude before she pours herself a bowl of cereal. Same routine as always

After breakfast, she puts on Gertrude’s vest and leashes her, and they leave the house together. Alex rarely has panic attacks anymore, but she knows she should keep Gertrude with her, and she enjoys the company. The fishing village she moved to is small, and while she knows most folk by now, she doesn't have friends. Usually, she doesn't mind this—she has Gertrude, and her sister visits when she can get enough time off of work. The peace and quiet is good for her.

It's a bit chilly, but Alex isn't bothered, as it almost always is. Together they walk up the road towards town. Her house sits right on the edge of the sea, close enough to smell the sea salt on the breeze and hear the waves crash into the rocks at night, but just far enough so that no storm would flood it. It was only a couple minutes to walk to town, and though she had a truck, she usually prefers to walk.

The town is quiet. There a few people out, running errands, but the town is primarily a fishing village, and many of the residents will have been on their boats since just before dawn. Alex fishes too, when her leg isn't acting up, but she isn't quite ready to call herself a ‘fisherwoman’ or anything of the sort. She enjoys fishing, but she doesn't do it enough to consider it an occupation. Not yet. She takes odd jobs from time to time, and between that, the fishing, and the little she gets for disability benefits, she manages.

* * *

 

“Alex…” J’onn J’onzz sighs. “You don't need to resign.”

“I do,” Alex says, firmly. It's her third day out of a wheelchair, but she still needs crutches, and she leans heavily on them as she reaches forward and slowly places her badge on his desk.

“Alex, please,” J’onn says, and stands up. He looks down at her badge and his frown deepens. “You don't need to do this. You're one of the most talented agents on this force.”

“I want to be on the field,” Alex replies. Her voice is quiet but hard. She is certain of her decision, even though it tears her apart just as much as the bullet did. “You heard the same thing as I did. The doctor said it won't heal enough for me to return to work in the field. You told me I was free to have a desk job, and I don't want it. I can't be stuck in here knowing what I would capable if…” she pauses, and gestures to her left leg. “If this hadn't happened.”

“You can't throw away your career like this,” J’onn tries, but Alex is already turning away.

“I just did,” Alex shoots back, as she limps out of his office. It isn't her most graceful exit, and she wished she had been leaving on better terms with J’onn, at least. But she doesn't turn back, doesn't break face, and doesn't cry until she's in the safety of her own apartment.

* * *

 

Alex places her groceries on the counter. The store’s owner is an old woman, Martha, and aside from a teen that occasionally stocks the shelves, she's the single employee. She smiles at Alex as she slowly rings up her things.

“How are you this morning?” Martha asks, as she sets the eggs in a bag.

Alex shrugs. “Not bad, not great,” she says, truthfully. “My leg hasn't been hurting today, so that's a plus.”

“Oh! Well, that is good,” Martha says. Most people who know Alex know of her injury, and those that don't have at least heard _of_ her. Given that the town was so small, any gossip spread quickly. But she was well received, at least, so she appreciated that. “Thinking of fishing, then?”

“Not today,” Alex replies, as she reaches for her wallet. “Maybe tomorrow, if it isn't raining. I was thinking of going for a swim, though. It's been so long since I have.”

“Well, be careful, dear,” Martha tells her. She drops the last of Alex’s things in another bag. “This sea always has been wild if you can't keep an eye on it.” She beamed down at Gertrude, who wiggles her rump. “But I suppose you've got this one to watch out for you, eh?”

Alex chuckles. “Yeah, she's pretty great.”

Martha finishes adding everything up. “That'll be eighteen dollars and twenty-two cents, dear.”

Alex fishes out a twenty and hands it to her. “Keep the change.”

“Oh, you are just _too_ kind,” Martha says with a smile. “Have a good day. And be careful!”

“I will, Martha.” Alex collects the two bags and heads out. She begins the walk back home, as usual. This is how her routine is—she heads out, buys a thing or two, and goes home. Though she’s been there for nearly a year, now, she doesn't explore the town much, and she likes it that way.

* * *

 

“You want to… move?” Kara’s voice is confused, and Alex can hear the frown in her voice over the phone. “Alex, why?”

“I just can't stay here,” Alex sighs. “I'm tired of laying around in my apartment. I can barely walk, even with the physical therapy. I just… I want to go somewhere quiet."

Kara is quiet for a while. “I… okay. I get it, I do. I just don't want you to leave. You're perfectly welcome to move in with me, you know! I'll wait on you hand and foot, and we can have pizza all the time since neither of us can cook, and—”

“ _Kara_.”

Kara lets out a sigh of her own. “I know. But at least let me help you pack.”

Alex chuckles, but it feels forced and dry in her throat. Part of her wants to stay, but she knows she needs to get away. Rotting away in her apartment is killing her. “Of course.”

“Have you heard anything on the dog yet?”

“Yeah,” Alex says, smiling a little. “The trainer sent me some pictures. She's a boxer and a doberman mix—she's pretty cute! I'll text them to you when we hang up.”

“That's great!” Kara exclaims. “At least you'll have some company. That place sounds so… _lonely_.”

_It's just as lonely here,_ Alex thinks, but she doesn't say it. “It'll be good for me,” she tells Kara. “Both the dog and the move.”

Kara pauses again. “I hope so,” she says, softly.

_Yeah,_ Alex thinks. _So do I._

* * *

 

In the early evening, Alex finally makes her mind up about going to the beach. It's cold, but so is every day here, and a quick swim won't hurt. She’d definitely swam in colder water before.

She puts on her suit and brings Gertrude down to the shore with her. Alex leaves her leash off—a sign that she's “on her break”, as Kara likes to call it—and the dog runs along ahead of her, charging straight for a few seagulls that are walking through the sand.

Alex laughs as Gertrude runs right through them and sends them flying off with angry squawks. She barks at them a few times, tongue lolling, before she flops down happily on the sand. “You tell ‘em, Gertrude,” Alex chuckles. She sets her bag down on the beach and gazed out on the ocean. The waves are surprisingly calm—not _ideal_ swimming, but less wild than usual. The dark clouds are still overhead, but the rain will likely wait until night.

Alex walks closely and slowly wades in. She lets out a sharp breath at the temperature, but keeps going. She takes her time, comforted by the knowledge that Gertrude is still keeping a watchful eye on her. After a minute, she is up to her chest in water, and starts to swim out. She easily floats over the waves that come her way. The water still chills her, but she feels so much more awake in it.

_I'll have a nice fire when I get home,_ she thinks. _And some hot chocolate. I can give Gertrude her new bone, too._ Alex turns in the water to check on Gertrude. Her dog is now standing, letting out anxious barks. She hates being this far from Alex, and Alex knows it. “Alright, Gertrude!” she calls. “I get it! I'm coming back!”

Alex doesn't see the wave before it crashes over her and plunges her deep underwater.


End file.
